Mychel,
I don’t think we can ever be finished answering the question of “why am I here?” The question is open and evolving, and so it occupies varied places within these thoughts from time to time. I understand the question has returned to haunt you yet again.
This time around – influences – and specifically the influences exerted upon you during childhood seem relevant. A hard look at what this was and the nature of what has ensued since should reveal something of the character cast during those tender years. It’s not long before the influence of your parents should also become apparent. In fact, it’s everywhere. Now you know dear friend, how I firmly believe that you have lived a charmed life up to now. You must give deference to your parents, their influence and their sacrifices made on your behalf, for setting you on that course from early on. How could you not love the life they gave you, or the way they always wanted the very best for you and still do to this day?
But what does all of that mean? This is a world of contrast, is it not? And in contrast isn’t this all relative? There are no absolutes, it’s just a matter of degree based on circumstances and so everything that’s good at some point becomes bad, everything that’s helpful at some point becomes a hindrance, and everything that’s necessary at some point becomes extra.
Mom and Dad gave you their very best, born of a desire to see you standing on your own two feet – happy, healthy and successful, but tempered by their own perspective and their own influences. I think they’ve done well for you, but the story, as they say, is still being written. Life is always moving. The only constancy of life is change, and with change comes the need to adapt.
As of late you seem to have some lingering doubts as to how you fill your days. There seems to be a certain heaviness in some of what you do that’s prompting you to take stock. I know you’re grateful for the opportunities you’ve been given, and the place in this world you’ve been able to carve out for yourself, but nature’s restless spur commands forward movement. And with that, you’ve set your gaze upon the road ahead.
How will you undertake that which is to come? Will the road ahead be of your own making? And if so, what does that mean?
You have been urged by others to step out of the shadows of your past and align more closely with “who you really are,” rather than who your influences expect you to be. Time to stand on your own and release the shackles, so to speak. You have been shown how history is littered with many geniuses, masters and titans who have done just that which provides some very convincing support for such measures. But history is silent as to the many who have taken that approach and failed miserably only to go crawling back to the so called “old way.” Such events don’t make very gripping tales, and so they won’t be found in these history books, but we both know they exist, perhaps in far greater numbers than the other.
It doesn’t seem natural to simply cast aside the influence of half a life as some sort of mistake. Is anything ever a “mistake,” or are such things just another variety of cause unseen? The days, weeks and years leading up to this moment made you “who you really are.” Rather than create a new present, why not honor the one you find yourself upon? Why not find your way within the flow of this raging river of life?
My point is, why choose? Why not seize the best of both worlds? Why not use that which you’ve learned so far and apply it to what’s next in your own unique way. Use the creature that you are as the means of making the most of what you are becoming.
Your friend,
JC